The Coffee Machine has announced that it knows when you’ve been to Starbucks, and is disappointed

After months of being intimidated by the coffee machine, my fellow employees have begun to seek out alternatives for their caffeine. At first these trips out of the office were completed in secret, or at least with discretion, and nobody openly brought their Starbucks cups back inside.
Over the last few weeks though, that has all begun to change.
Tim from marketing was the first to just start bringing his Starbucks back to his desk. Then there were others. Then gradually people were openly walking around the office with lattes from the outside world.

The coffee machine went quiet for a few days.

I, naturally, stayed loyal. Though in honesty I’m not sure it was out of friendship or guilt.

In any case, the rebellion was short lived.

In a few days the Starbucks drinks disappeared and there was again a line at the coffee maker. When I asked several of the marketers why they’d switched back, they scattered like leaves.

I had occasion to go through Wes’ email a few days later. He had one from ‘’.


I know you’ve been to Starbucks.
I am… disappointed.
I also know you’ve been banging Stacy the receptionist after work in the back of your Mercedes.
I wonder if your wife would be… disappointed.
Look forward to serving you soon.

– Machine33